'Tis the season

For whinin' and bitchin' for no particular reason!!

I'm tired of incompetence-- from the gift wrapper at Mervyn's to the easily butt-hurt "marketing specialist"!

The other day, I waited 45 minutes for a high school girl to wrap two items and then I PAID her for it?! Albeit, she is a high school student. Maybe cheerleader tryouts were earlier that day or she skipped her cracker for lunch? She was very proud and meticulous in her work, but STILL!

My marketing person became defensive and belligerent when I called her to the mat on her poor service!? It is like I'm dealing with another high school girl with the way this adult "professional" acts. I can’t believe that professionals take it personal when you want tangible results!? She actually made this statement to me---“Your business is not a “big corporation” or Fortune 500 company—it is just a little business, so your planned event can't be considered as extensive.”

She thought she was going to take a little business and impress me with her limited skills? I don’t think she has taken into account that I have done advertising before and worked with vendors and events before. I guess I give the impression that I just stepped off a turnip truck?
I don’t understand how a professional can get their feelings hurt and consider not doing business with someone because they get called on their mediocrity.
REFERRALS---what a lot of these women don’t understand is that when they screw me over---I never mention their name to anyone again and if I do it is in a negative light. I may be a small business, but just one of my clients could equal several for them!

I have one piece of advice for lack luster ladies:

"learn to fuckin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big fuckin' surprise."

Sincerely yours,

Scrooge!

Servus Servorum Dei

Capitalist Christian Vs. Socialist Atheist?

I was skimming radio stations this weekend and stumbled across a random conservative talk-show. He (I didn't stay long enough to memorize the host's name) was attacking the platform of an atheist speaker. This is what I heard: "This guy (the speaker/author) is a socialist atheist. If you are against capitalism, you are against Christianity and religion!"
This radio talk show host was essentially equating capitalism with religious faith and implying that the two are inseparable?
WTF??
I have atheist/agnostic tendencies AND I'm fervently pro-capitalism! Where does that leave me? I'm destined to wander aimlessly in "limbo" between heaven and hell because I'm not a socialist, but I'm not a christian either? Help me out here? On what planet does his comment make sense?
Then I thought to myself: "Self, isn't organized religion exactly like socialism?". Think about it: In socialism, the means of production are controlled by the people's elected representatives or controlled by the community of people directly. The "State" acts in the best interest of the people.
If we apply the idea of socialism to a church and religion, could the "people's representative" be say, a Pope or Priest?
The "State" that acts in the best interest of the people could very easily be replaced with the concept of the church hierarchy. The heavenly hierarchy prefer to be known collectively as the "Servus Servorum Dei (Servant of the Servants of God)".
Tithing is an economic parallel between socialism and church politics. Most churches/religions have some sort of dues requirement whether it is the literal 10% or not. "In recent years, tithing has been taught in Christian circles as a form of "stewardship" that God requires of Christians.
There has also been much controversy with the introduction of "membership covenants" in many evangelical churches in North America, spearheaded by many mega-churches. These covenants, such as those introduced at the Willow Creek and Saddleback mega-churches, require giving 10% to that church as a condition of membership. Prospective members must sign off on a contract and are interviewed regarding their lifestyle, including tithing.
Germany levies a church tax, on all persons declaring themselves to be Christians, of roughly 8-9% of the income tax, which is effectively (very much depending on the social and financial situation) typically between 0.2% and 1.5% of the total income. The proceeds are shared amongst Catholic, Lutheran, and other Protestant Churches. In 1933 Hitler had the entry "church tax" added to the official tax card, which meant that the tax could now be deducted by the employer like any of the other taxes." (Wikipedia)

Winston Churchill: "A socialist policy is abhorrent to the British ideas of freedom. Socialism is inseparably interwoven with totalitarianism and the object worship of the state. It will prescribe for every one where they are to work, what they are to work at, where they may go and what they may say. Socialism is an attack on the right to breathe freely. No socialist system can be established without a political police. They would have to fall back on some form of Gestapo, no doubt very humanely directed in the first instance."

Hmmm....if we replace a couple of Churchill's references to "Socialism" with "the church" does it seem so out of place?

“As with the Christian religion, the worst advertisement for Socialism is its adherents” George Orwell

In summation---conservative religion seems more in line with the socialist than the capitalist!!

Down n' Dirty

My name is mud, but call me alowishus devadander abercrombie.

While I would have preferred a mustache ride, I ended up accidentally on a mud bog ride. I'm sure a more prudent person would have seen the bumpy,muddy,road with huge puddles as an obstacle and immediately turned around. Not me! One of my many aliases is "Adventure Girl" and I'm not one to turn down an unknown variable. I patted my trusty stick shift and put the ol' girl in gear (not me--I'm not THAT old yet--in keeping with sailor tradition, I'm assuming my car is female). You may recall that my car is a generic four door/compact sedan with safety paneling. My car has never seen 4WD except in the movies,the tread on the tires IS worse for wear, and it is very low to the ground (no raised under carriage for this girl--she is a prude if not prudent--I'm talking about the car again). I began my decent into uncharted, slippery, gooey times and chanted my favorite Disney quote to myself: "Don’t look backwards for very long. Keep moving forward… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” OK! About a quarter of mile later, I made it out unscathed and I felt a sense of self-adulation. "That a girl!" I had a mannish glee about me (not mannish hands though--thank goodness)! I surveyed my muddy car with pride--noting how the mud splatters reached the top of the car and coated my tires in mire! I yearn for a hybrid Jeep more than a nice Mercedes I guess. A convertible SL 550 probably would not see the light of day if I was left to my meandering ways! Now, where did I put those truck balls (I'll paint 'em pink and call 'em ovaries)!!?

MUD IS FUN!

Fluorescent Felines

South Korean Kong Il-Keun's team cloned cats after modifying a gene to change their skin colour. To clone the cats, Kong's team used skin cells of the mother cat. They modified its genes to make them fluorescent by using a virus, which was transplanted into the ova. The ova were then implanted into the womb of the donor cat.

Wow! The uses of a flourescent feline are endless.

• You could attach your keys to their collar and never loose track of the keys at night again!


• You could match your pet cats to your skittles.


• You could find all the annoying cat hair on your furniture and clothes just by flashing an ultraviolet light.


• They would be the hit at any "Rave".


• Hmmmm....what about Reindeer? Could there possibly be a "genuine" Rudolf with this technology? Come on Korea! Show us what you got!

And now for something completely different....

Most men have at least seen a Playboy wax job I presume, many women may not be familiar. Women if you want more visits from Colonel Angus, go to your waxing expert just in time for Christmas and the mistletoe!

Don't see this movie!

I received this alarming email a few months ago:

Please pass this on. Hello Friends!There is an anti-Christian movie (written by an atheist, Philip Pullman of England) called The Golden Compass coming out on December 7 (just in time for Christmas). It stars Nicole Kidman, so it will be getting a lot of publicity. Philip despises C.S Lewis and Narnia, and his goal is to "kill GOD in the minds of children". An article written about him labels him "the most dangerous author in Britain!" He has written 3 books that all promote atheism, and the movie depicts his first book (which is the more watered-down of the 3). His goal is that you see the movie and then that your kids want his trilogy for Christmas…and then it REALLY gets offensive in the second 2 books!! But just to give you a tid-bit of what's in Philip's books…a ex-nun calling Christianity a convincing mistake, 2 characters representing Adam & Eve KILL God (called YAHWEH) in the end, and there's a story about castration & female circumcision! I am blown away by this! It will be targeted toward children and advertised as a fun-holiday flick. Don't fall for it! Here is the snopes article about it to back up what I've been saying… http://snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.aspPLEASE, PLEASE tell everyone you know and love NOT TO SEE THIS MOVIE!! Imagine how our children's little minds would absorb these awful lies! Let's get the word out and fight back!!! Boycott The Golden Compass!!

Now, my interest was piqued because I had bought that series for my daughter several months earlier. I thought to myself: "Oh no! She has already read the text, what do I do to curb her spiral down into hell?"---Nah, just jk---I actually really WANTED to see the movie and read the book (maybe more-so because it was forbidden fruit--and we all know about women and forbidden fruit right?). My child and I both saw the movie yesterday and while there was a very strong metephorical comparison to a "church-like" entity, demon familiars, and flying witches it wasn't anything more or less horrific and anti-christian than "Lord of the Rings" or "Narnia". Here is another take on the film from a good christian gal: http://news.mywebpal.com/news_tool_v2.cfm?show=localnews&pnpID=724&NewsID=858422&CategoryID=16783&on=1

I want to buy the world a coke.....

And a McDonald's,a theme park,and a walmart.........The U.S. has conquered with capitalism, why the need to exert more force and imperialism?

Make money not war!

In God we Trust....

One small step for believers, One giant leap for secular humanists!

Pearl Harbor

As I reflect on Pearl Harbor with deepest sadness,gratitude, and respect for our American veterans (including my much-loved grandfather), I can't help but compare the U.S. stand on international affairs during WWII to now.
The U.S. was a reluctant participant in WWII, forced to go on the defense after being bombed in Hawaii. One major objective of that war was to end the ceaseless tyranny of Nazi Europe and Japan.
Today's war path against Iraq and the "Axis of Evil" appears to be anti-terrorism on the surface, but with the addition of terms like "Evil" it stinks of a more sinister religious basis. The Iraq conflict is an offensive maneuver--the U.S. is seeking more religious and economic power. 9/11 was a tragedy of horrific proportions and has instilled fear and hatred in Americans, but how did the behavior of an extremist group come to represent the whole of Iraq aggression? While I don't agree with much of Arab customs and politics (I condemn and hate most), it makes me wonder if left alone, would these countries evolve to a higher humanist purpose over time? Discovering the poet and Arab nationalist,Nizar Qabbani, opened my eyes to the fact that their are activists for reason and equality in every race and country. Is it the "job" or right of the U.S. to impose its might and wrath on smaller/weaker people of different ideals? The Arab/U.S. conflict is in realty, a Judeo-Christian indignation at the audacity of others to differ in opinion, culture, and religion (whether you agree or disagree with the conflict--you have to admit it is a deep-seated "my religion and beliefs are better than yours" mission). So, am I Patriotic for seeking a humanist understanding or am I not a patriot for condemning Bush's crusade (in realty Bush is not his own man--he is owned and indebted to the church--as most politicians are owned by major parties)? What a day to bring up the ugly side of today's America or what a day to remember those who gave their lives to help end the suffering of Europe and protect the U.S. from threat in the 1940's?
In an ironic twist, I will share another Arabic poem by Nizar Qabbani
"A Lesson In Drawing"

My son places his paint box in front of me
and asks me to draw a bird for him.
Into the color gray I dip the brush
and draw a square with locks and bars.
Astonishment fills his eyes:
"… But this is a prison, Father,
Don't you know, how to draw a bird?"
And I tell him: "Son, forgive me.
I've forgotten the shapes of birds."

My son puts the drawing book in front of me
and asks me to draw a wheatstalk.
I hold the pen
and draw a gun.
My son mocks my ignorance,
demanding,
"Don't you know, Father, the difference between a
wheatstalk and a gun?"
I tell him, "Son,
once I used to know the shapes of wheatstalks
the shape of the loaf
the shape of the rose
But in this hardened time
the trees of the forest have joined
the militia men
and the rose wears dull fatigues
In this time of armed wheatstalks
armed birds
armed culture
and armed religion
you can't buy a loaf
without finding a gun inside
you can't pluck a rose in the field
without its raising its thorns in your face
you can't buy a book
that doesn't explode between your fingers."

My son sits at the edge of my bed
and asks me to recite a poem,
A tear falls from my eyes onto the pillow.
My son licks it up, astonished, saying:
"But this is a tear, father, not a poem!"
And I tell him:
"When you grow up, my son,
and read the diwan of Arabic poetry
you'll discover that the word and the tear are twins
and the Arabic poem
is no more than a tear wept by writing fingers."

My son lays down his pens, his crayon box in
front of me
and asks me to draw a homeland for him.
The brush trembles in my hands
and I sink, weeping.

Blue Thursday Poetry

Nizar Qabbani
1923-1998, written in 1980

Letter from a Stupid Woman (to a man)

Don't criticize me, Master
If my writing is poor
For I write and the sword is behind my door
And beyond the room is the sound of wind and howling dogs
My master!
'Antar al Abys is behind my door!
He will butcher me
If he saw my letter
He will cut my head off
If I spoke of my torture
He will cut my head off
If he saw the sheerness of my clothes
For your East, my dear Master,
Surrounds women with spears
And your East, my dear Master
elects the men to become Prophets,
and buries the women in the dust.

That Which we Call a Rose

Wherefore art thou Muhammad?

From the International Herald http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/12/04/europe/london.php: "The teddy bear ordeal began in September when Gibbons, who taught at one of the most exclusive private schools in Khartoum, started a project on animals and asked her class to suggest a name for a teddy bear. The class voted resoundingly for Muhammad.
Gibbons told her pupils to take the teddy bear home, photograph it and write a diary entry about it. Most of her students were Muslim and the children of wealthy Sudanese families.

The incident became an international cause célèbre, with Britons - both Muslim and non-Muslim - expressing outrage at Gibbons's arrest and thousands of protesters in Sudan calling for her to be put to death."

Silly Allah,imbuing kids and women with creativity and thoughtfulness! What was Allah doing during that part of his creation of "man"--smoking a doobie? If he was so all-seeing and powerful, wouldn't he eliminate the urge of kids to want to edify the Prophet Muhammad in a well-loved child's toy? It seems odd that he would want a woman put to death for the mistakes of the children of his followers (it would stand to reason though when one thinks in circles like religious zealots).
How about "towel-headed" bear? That is much more descriptive and it blissfully omits the cursed word "Muhammad" (is it a coincidence that Muhammad ends in "MAD"? I think not)!

How ironic that the American man who the Teddy bear is named after, President Teddy Roosevelt had this to say during his era: "The world would have halted had it not been for the Teutonic conquests in alien lands; but the victories of Moslem over Christian have always proved a curse in the end. Nothing but sheer evil has come from the victories of Turk and Tartar".

But as Americans can we say that we have separated church from state (education)? Let me share an anecdote with you: I was explaining evolution to some high school students one day. I was met with an extremely distraught and tearful young woman who lamented that her Christian belief had been affronted by the PBS show on evolution. The principle then coached me to tell the girl that "creationism" was a valid alternative to the theory of evolution? Years and years and volumes of scientific evidence is comparable to creationism? OK!?

There are places in the U.S. where Mormon churches are erected at the same time as schools and in conspicuous proximity to our learning institutions (I use the term loosely). Mormon students are allowed to take a "period" of their day to pursue the teachings of Latter Day Saints at the adjoining church. What about the thousands of other religions? Can you imagine how unproductive it would be if all the Christian, Muslim, Catholic, Buddhist, Pagan,Protestants,Hindus,Sikhs,Jews,agnostics, and atheists all built huge edifices in the name of their respective gods and commenced to get their learn on? Where would the education begin? Is it because the Mormon religion has a nice, white, shiny cover of mostly aryan race and polite manners? Help me jog my memory---hasn't something similar like this happened in the past with dire results?

Be afraid my friends (especially of the female persuasion--females are rarely on the winning end of such matters)! Be very afraid!

Dear Santa,

Have I been naughty or nice?




Earl Moran
(Publisher: Brown & Bigelow Inc.)

Of Apes and Shakespeare

Natural Lemon Flavored Water Beverage?

I was feeling quirky and apparently naive at lunch today. I saw the words "lemon and water" and thought that I had found a bottled water with a splash of lemon flavor. Instead I found a water with too many syllables and too many ingredients! When the word "water" doesn't show up until the end of the description, I should've known what was coming! Leave it up to Coca Cola and other big corporations to think of ingenious ways to bastardize something as natural and pure as good ol' H2O! I can just imagine the "creative team" sitting around an ominous table discussing ways to taint the American palate:

How about adding some "splenda"?
I bet 60mg of sodium will compliment the super-sodium-saturated diet of most Americans! What do you think "Bob"?
"Great idea--don't forget to add "potassium sorbate and benzoate,some magnesium sulfate and acesulfame! Mmmmm good!Just like the water Mom used to make!"

At least it tastes delicious now that they've added copious amounts of crap right? Nope--It tastes like Sprite after a half cup of ice has melted in the glass. Coca Cola company, make up your mind and stick to the tried and true: "Sprite" and "water" as separate entities do just fine!

I can join my dad in his detest of the big beverage companies! He used to only buy "Royal Crown" or "RC" cola because of the beverage monopolization wars of Pepsi and Coca Cola! However, As usual, I'm torn because even though I have a small-time business I aspire to be a big powerful corporation (or at least reap similar benefits and power). I hate how big corporations dominate the markets, but at the same time I have to admire the chutzpah to claw and scramble to the top of the American food chain!

Is Coca Cola so bad because it moves at matrix speed to come up with creative flavors,packaging,and always evolves to offer the public more and more options?! Since I tend to favor change and entrepeneurism (okay I made that word up, but maybe it needs to be made up for language to grow), I guess I have to concede to Coca Cola's dominance! Maybe they'll chock the "natural lemon flavored water beverage" experiment to the "failed" category and move on (quickly and mercifully)!

Hot Guy T.V. (HGTV)

Righty tighty;lefty loosey;these guys make me feel goosey!

I've found a stud:


To nail or not to nail?


I like to work with wood too! "Carter can" show me anytime!

Get stuffed!

Space Violation

I'm going postal. Seriously. This guy at the post office today was a fraction of a cm away from stepping on me---he was that close! I was amazed at his lack of respect for personal space, but even more amazed because I had just devoured the lunch of champions: Spicy squid salad and edamame which isn't exactly a Japanese breath mint! I apparently have a knack for engaging men at the USPS.

One time, a few months previous, I met a fine black brother who made eye contact and gave me the distinct impression he was available.



About a week ago, another couple of gents chatted me up at the automated postage dispensing kiosk (I wanted to use my mastercard to enter to win a Pontiac car). I was standing behind them and they turned around and began to engage in idle chit chat.

Then there was the episode today! The guy was talking in decibels about 3x louder than anyone around. He wanted everyone to know his business--literally. He's a business owner like little ol' me! I tried to limit the conversation with simple one-syllable answers and then look away. After a curt answer, I would be gazing at the wall or the floor when he would immediately start another conversation. It was like we were in a speed dating room or something! He wanted to keep the dialogue going as long as he could! I must've looked tuff or he wanted to see me in handcuffs because he said that he would've held my spot if the gun detector went off!Wow!? If I was keenly interested I probably would've replied something like "Why? am I smokin'hot?Do I look like I pack heat?"
He then surmised that it probably wasn't a gun detector, but an anti-theft alert device in case I decided to steal some valuable packaging or bubble wrap?? I heard you can get some high prices for bubble wrap in Indonesia! The Mandatory Little USPS Lady or TMLUL(that is what her name tag said honest)asked people in line if they had something to pick up. I thought to myself--this guy sure is trying to "pick up" on me! It didn't take long to exchange business identities and he must have sensed my affinity for IT guys because his business was computer repair and solutions. What can I say, I can't resist a geek!

Writer's Block?

Or writers' strike? Maybe I haven't posted for awhile because I have a hankerin' for a mansion in Beverly Hills and want to get paid for my inane verbiage or is it because I've been so busy I don't know what day it is anymore? Is it Thursday?
I have mixed feelings about the writers' strike. I respect people who work hard and strive for excellence, but I don't know that the mob strong-arming corporations to level the playing field is always the right way either!? Unions have really improved working conditions and salaries for many groups, but on the other hand they have diminished good old-fashioned competition. Take the teachers' union for instance--now any amorphous blob of humanity can fill the position of "teacher" from the incompetent, fucktard, coach who flirts with underage girls to the superb Einstein of a science teacher. Thanks to unions and litigious society, once a teacher is in the system,he/she can stay without contention until they croak. Pay and prestige are not based on merit in many instances, but on stay-fastedness and taking up space. I'm sure that it is disappointing to see network exec's making millions off CD and DVD sales, but maybe the most "sold" author should be rewarded---not every Tom and Harry Dick who wants to take a stab at writing!
That is just my humble and un-educated opinion. I majored in science, not literature and I am probably way off the mark! Bygones! Maybe I'm just bitter that 30 Rock isn't on and this is the first day that I've had time to breathe in awhile!

Geriatric Allusions?

We were listening to some 80's music the other day (surprise,surprise!) and I mentioned good old George. The 24-year-old I was with, asked out of curiosity "who is George?"
"Who is George?" I returned incredulously and I instantly knew that "George" must have been before her time! I simultaneously realized that now I was starting to reference things that occured before other people were old enough to understand!? I have now reached a new tier on the age chart--check the box between 30-years-old and 40-years-old and you'll find me! It is a sad day to realize that there are a lot of people who have not shared my experiences! But I tried to save my dignity by retorting that I'm not familiar with some older bands either like,say, the "Who"--I was just recently introduced to!
I asked her again--"Haven't you heard of "Wham"?"....nothing....crickets and blank stares.....
I have resigned myself to looking for "vintage VH1" and "80's tributes on MTV. I'm officially "vintage" now which sounds better than archaic I suppose!
Alas, I will walk off into the distance shaking my cane and muttering "kids these days with their rock and roll music!" (I really did say something similar to that effect by citing that Depeche Mode and say, Def Lepard are way more vocally talented than most of "today's" synthesized artists)! You can keep the new genre of "pop rock", I don't want to download that shiz even for free!

"I want your sex
I want your love
I want your.. Sex

It's natural
It's chemical (let's do it)
It's logical
Habitual (can we do it?)
It's sensual
But most of all...
Sex is something we should do
Sex is something for me and you

Sex is natural - sex is good
Not everybody does it
But everybody should
Sex is natural - sex is fun
Sex is best when it's... One on one
One on one"

Bad dog!

WINDHOEK, Namibia — Sixty-eight villagers in northern Namibia were hospitalized last week after eating a dog that had been killed by disease, the local daily The Namibian reported Wednesday. (Foxnews.com)

What is more odd about this statement?

1. People eat dogs?

2. People eat diseased dogs?

3. A dead, diseased dog can feed 68 people?! Now, I know what to provide for the next luau (jk)!

Apparently, not only do Namibians regularly eat dogs, they regularly dine on diseased canine! 55 villagers became ill last month (reported on 10/27)! The Namibians keep cattle for pets and rarely slaughter them because they represent wealth, but the loyal canine is free game. I guess if your neighbors have annoying barkers for pets in Africa, they could end up on the menu! Someone please ship them some rice or some Pedigree dog food and save the dog (for only pennies a day)! Where is Hayden Panettiere when you need her--maybe she can don some fetching safari ensemble and bring her bush to Africa (I mean hunt bush in Africa, I mean "be an activist" in the African bush).

Its a dog-eat-dog world and Namibians know how to do it "doggy style"!

A Halloween Tale

It was Halloween morning and since I have a newly enhanced love of strolling with my dogs, I decided to walk my costumed daughter to her bus stop. She was smartly attired with a matching purple scrub top and bottoms purchased from a real medical scrub supply store. She was even donning an authentic stethoscope! As we approached the bus stop, the boys exclaimed "it's a zombie nurse!" then one corrected the others with a wiley smile and yelled "No! I was talking about her mom!" The cutely pertinent boy was probably accurate because I had just rolled out of bed with disheveled hair and barely open eyeballs!

Then the girls at the stop started chattering about how they liked her nurse outfit and always wanted to be nurses. Well, little did these unsuspecting youth know: in addition to "errand girl", I also play the superhero role of "stereotypical awareness girl" although I wasn't dressed up that day. I immediately had to point out--why not Dr.? Why did you assume that she was a nurse? I brushed aside my tousled coif and then went on to elaborate in my feminine studies sort of way. I explained "If I were to pick a profession in the medical field, it would be Dr., they get paid more and do less of the "dirty" work". Being the capricious and easily influenced birds of teenage indecision, they immediately adopted my philosophy. They began to espouse the virtues of Dr.'s and how they had always considered becoming Dr.'s (keep in mind they were infatuated with female nurses mere minutes ago). This experience led me to recall how easy it is to influence fragile teenage egos (especially when you are of the same gender). Did I poison young minds or instil confidence and broaden their horizons? I fear I may have set a dangerous idea in a young hispanic girl's mind. I asked this young girl what she was going to be for Halloween and like many girls it isn't a matter of "what" as "how" feminine they are going to be. She proudly exclaimed that she was going to wear the purple dress that she got for a friend's Quinceañera. The pinnacle of a Spanish or Mexican girl life is the Quinceañera: "Quinceañera refers both to a special unique birthday and to the girl who has turned 15. The event is comparable to the concept to a debutante's "coming out party" in other countries. The celebration acknowledges that a young woman has reached maturity and is now ready to start a life beyond childhood. In addition, the celebration is intended to reaffirm religious faith, good morals, and the virtues of traditional family values "(http://www.marryu.com/spanish/quinceaneras.htm). I have mixed feelings about this practice. While it is nice to uphold customs and have cultural "coming of age" ceremonies, it is another example of a dominant religion taking native beliefs and twisting them into something different. The Quinceanera is the catholic churches attempt to consolidate the ancient Aztec practice and it is a message to young hispanic girls to look forward to their lives as mothers and wives. Many hispanic girls are simply encouraged to get pregnant and begin families without much in the way of other options: "1) Almost one-quarter of Hispanic women will give birth before age 20; 2) Hispanic teens tend to look at the prospect of pregnancy more favorably than teens from other racial and ethnic groups; and 3) Sexually experienced Hispanic teens are less likely to use contraception than teens in the overall U.S. population. In addition, the brief presents implications for policy and practice"http://www.nsba.org/site/doc_schoolhealth_abstract.asp?TRACKID=&CID=1116&DID=37495

"Teen births - In 1995, Hispanic teen birth rates were the highest in the Nation, surpassing for the first time the non-Hispanic black rate, which had previously been the highest. Higher rates for Hispanics are primarily driven by the higher teen births among Mexican women"(http://library.adoption.com/pregnancy/new-study-profiles-hispanic-births-in-america/article/4761/1.html)

The question: To aspire be a Dr. or a young mom (or a slutty nurse/princess/cheerleader/fill-in-the-blank skirted girl? Which is the better for the woman and for society? Don't get me wrong, I'm obviously not an advocate for prudes. I have often pondered the nasty school girl or nurse costume, but as a fun role-playing option. Look at Addison Montgomery (fictitious character of Private Practice and Grey's Anatomy), she is an accomplished professional and extremely sexy and could be a mother? Is her character entirely fictitious?

Barking up the Wrong Tree

Apparently, my dogs, Earl Grey and Muffin Top, run off a bit at the mouth (not unlike their owner)! Our neighbors recently lowered food and water into our yard in attempt to satiate their giant maws! You can imagine my concern about this fact when people will think nothing of poisoning a family pet nowadays! The neighbors decreed "your dogs barked from 6am until 9pm yesterday"! Really? We were home in the afternoon, so we know they were accounted for from 3pm until approximately 6pm. These are the same people that keep their huge golden retriever locked up inside their house 24/7. They keep a large breed dog in hiding like some skeleton in the closet and I'm a villian for owning vocal hounds?! I want to take a moment to inform society about the main reasons for owning the loyal canine: to protect livestock and guard homes. While the only livestock we own are the occasional grasshopper or ant/aphid colony, we do own a home that needs guarded against the occasional threats of airplane,bird,blimp, but more importantly the occasional intruder.

When the beloved Lassy wanted others to follow her to an emergency, did she take a moment to sit and ponder a quiet, gentle written request? With wet ink and a shaky paw:

"Dear Joe and fellow townsman,

It has come to my attention that a poor civilian is in need of immediate rescue. The young boy has happened upon a deep mine shaft and is losing oxygen quickly. I discussed at length, the options for retrieval and he is in concurrance with maybe providing a rope and some sort of force from a pulley system. I have travelled approximately 4.5 miles in pouring rain to write this polite request for assistance. We must move hastily, as sunset will occur in about 2 hours and the storm is increasing our urgency. Please consider my entreaty and follow me to aide the young boy.

Sincerely,

Lassie"

It is highly unlikely that Lassy could write, let alone that "she" would take the time to sit and compose a letter of alarm. It much more probable that she barked her head off and ran around in frantic circles!

What about our friend "Rin Tin Tin"? Did he use creative methods to get assistance? Possibly he peed the letters S.O.S. in a clearly visible golden trail?

I prefer the loud announcement of danger from the proud vocal chords of my dear companions! I only hope that my trusty pooches will save the possessions or maybe even the lives of our neighbors someday! In the meantime, exercise,discipline, and affection as my friend Cesar Milan says!

Costume Party!

Comparitive Natural Disaster Strategies

So. Cal vs New Orleans

New Orleans: Animals were not rescued; the streets were full of non-neutered pit bulls itching for a fight and/or food. To this day, there are missing animals.

So. Cal: Animals were not always rescued; the well-manicured slopes were full of exotic llamas, alpacas, pregnant goats, and the occasional purebred steed by the name of Sonoma Saphire or (ironically) Angel on Fire? Would they survive without their carefully weighed out, pedigreed feed and daily grooming?Luckily, most livestock were whisked away to the Del Mar track.

New Orleans: Looting and mayhem ruled the emergency efforts. People were ransacking the local stores for more than staples.


So. Cal: Looting and mayhem ruled. For instance, one woman was spotted leaving a Saks with her toy dog and thousands of dollars worth of brand name merchandise. Another woman chipped her nail when trying to grab her Tuscany inspired flatware before the flames consumed her custom kitchen.


New Orleans: People made a run on the local stores for necessities like canned food,toilet paper, and diapers.

So. Cal: People made a run for necessities like vintage antiques,wines,and pet treats.
New Orleans: People couldn't flee the city because of lack of transportation and money.

So. Cal: People couldn't flee the country-side because the pilots of their private planes were otherwise occupied and they couldn't transfer funds from one account to the another fast enough!

New Orleans: Thousands of evacuees huddled in the Superdome without food or water.

So. Cal: Qualcomm Stadium had cots and tents, plenty of water and a variety of foods, arts and crafts for children, crisis counseling, meditation, yoga, acupuncture, and AA meetings for adults. That's right--YOGA!?

Trick or Treat?

Microsoft Entertainment Desktop 8000 Keyboard

A Wealthy Man

Heidi Klum really likes men in bike shorts too! According to her side of their romantic story, she was attracted to him because of the size of his.....um... pocket book,personality or.....?

From the Oprah show: "Heidi says she fell for Seal the moment they met…and it didn't hurt that he was wearing form-fitting bicycle shorts at the time. "I met him in a hotel lobby in New York City, and he came in just from the gym. I was sitting there and I was like, 'Wow, he's a very handsome man,'" she says. "I was physically, straightaway attracted to him, and then we got talking, and I was like, 'Wow, he's such a warm and charming man.'"

Right! Charming! I really like charming guys too! Does he go, aye? Does he?

Primate Pontification

My face was flushed and breathing rapid. Sweat trickled down my face and the saltiness stung my tongue. My heart raced as I excitedly reached the climax....of the hill--silly, I was hiking! It was a wonderful day for a ladies day out in the sun and wind. We embarked on a leisurely 1-2 mile hike and were in awe of the breathtaking sights such as bare-chested men running up or down the trail!

My hiking companion and I covered almost all the topics in the universe from the problems of obesity and dieting to literally the universe itself. There is something about fresh air, nature, and physical activity to bring out the philosophical side in us. I shared my recently discovered knowledge about Sumu wrestlers (that's right I watch way too much National Geographic/Discovery channel): did you know that their fat is almost all subcutaneous (under the skin) as opposed to the American visceral fat (around the organs)? She enlightened me on the powers of spicy food---cayan can be used to increase metabolism.

Inevitably, we winded our way down the path to science and religion. She had dated an anthropologist who was a devout atheist. This begged the question---Could evolution and human culture exist in conjunction with Christianity and religion or are they destined to be to separate pursuits/beliefs? She talked about the "Lucy" skull and declared that the man who found it was on staff at ASU? I was somewhat incredulous because I thought that Louis Leakey was dead and if he were alive, I didn't know that he would be on faculty staff at a university. My hopes and curiosity were piqued though. I raced home to my internet to see if he was, in fact, on staff at ASU! I was not surprised to not find him listed and then upon further research to find he was in fact deceased. I did find that he started out a christian missionary before getting distracted by a rugby concussion and evolutionary thought. He appeared to blend both theology and anthropology:

"Nothing I've ever found has contradicted the Bible. It's people with their finite minds who misread the Bible."(Wikipedia)

A man that opposed African female circumcision and apartheid, and discovered the great Jane Goodall, is alright in my book!

Witchy Woman!

"Woo hoo witchy woman see how high she flies

Woo hoo witchy woman she got the moon in her eye"

October is the bewitching month it seems! For a gender that has to squat to pee, women really know how to engage in pissing contests! The way some women mark their territory and everything around them, you would think they wielded the angry penis of Thor! We had the unpleasant task of dealing with a wicked witch of epic proportions at a soccer game this weekend. We had just settled down for a pleasant afternoon at the "game" when SHE descended upon us like so many demons on a mission. She appointed herself coach and soccer official (in reality she was neither--just a parent from our OWN team) and swiftly declared that we re-locate our lawn chairs to the other side of the field. Keep in mind that this was the 4th or 5th game of the season,we had barely even met this woman before, and our coach was merrily instructing kids. You can imagine our bewilderment and predicament.

We asked the coach---"Coach, do you want us to move?". Coach replied "No, you're fine. We should wait and see if the ref has anything to say."

She noticed that our position was unwavering and a stinty gleam appeared in her eye as if to say "Are you challenging me? I AM the coach/soccer official of the universe and all I survey (I think I'm more than a parent)!" She stormed over with indignance distorting her countenance and demanded that we move. I calmly replied that Coach had indicated that we should wait and promptly began to ignore the pestering insect. She backed down momentarily to gather her strategy and cohorts.

We noticed a real soccer official walking alongside the field. She also noticed the official and immediately raced over to him in a flurry of self-righteous rage (cue Wizard of Oz witch sound track). She began to throw her minuscule tits around like they were the balls of an angry bull elephant and appeared to be pointing at us muttering something like "I'll get you my pet and your little dog, too!" We were dumbfounded and watched-- jaws agape. We couldn't believe that in the span of less than 10 or 15 minutes, adults had been reduced to kindergartners!?

Well, the official came over with a stern step and inquired if our coach had asked us to move? "No," I flatly replied. He then retorted--"Well, according to the rules........(I zoned out here) "all parents must sit on the same side--please move"!

I could smell the unpleasant musk of a smug elephant as we walked across the field. After, we were in our new subordinate position, the she-devil pranced over and informed us that she just wanted to make sure we understood the soccer rules and she didn't want "her parents" upset at her! her parents? I laughed at her and thought to myself---So, not only had we been reduced to children, we were her children now? I've met women who thrive on pissing contests and control before, but I've never been reduced to a possession? I think I may have goaded her with my indifference and smile. Those-who-would-rule hate it when you calmly smile and laugh rather than go to blows don't they?

In hindsight, I can't decide which type of woman I would rather deal with--the bull elephant who trumpets and crashes through the underbrush with force or the sneaky serpent always sublimy plotting her dominance? Since there are less of the former and she is always announcing her position, I suppose I actually prefer her outwardly/brutally honest approach.

FYI--Why me? I seem to be a target for wanna be alpha bitches (no one else--and there were plenty of parents sitting with us--was targeted by her showy assertions)!? Maybe I exude some sort of pretense of control unconsciously? I have a tendency to put my hands on my hips on occasion I suppose.....

Bondurant is not for Pussies!

I'm as car illiterate as I am technology inept, but there is something about this 32-valved V8 engine that I want to know more about!

If you haven't noticed, I have a driving need for speed and the vehicles that will enable me to accomplish it! The allure of the Bondurant course is calling. I just need a few thousand spare change and some moxy and I'm in Phoenix TODAY!

Would you take a look at that beauty? Nostrils steaming like a mad dragon or magnificant Shelby Stallion! Oh, how I would ride that and pray to not get bucked off!? I bet you get to wear racing gloves and a helmet on the course and maybe even keep them for $1000 souvignors?

Filthy Poetry Review Hour

Venus and Adonis by Shakespeare

Venus has captured Adonis---"Fondling, she saith, 'since I have hemmed thee here

Within the circuit of this ivory pale (her arms),

I'll be a park, and thou shalt be my deer.

Feed where thou wilt,on mountain or in dale;

Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry,

Stray lower,where the pleasant fountains lie."

Pleasant fountains, indeed, Willy, pleasant fountains indeed!

I can even get into trouble at the seemingly innocuous center of high education and enlightenment of the Barnes and Noble bookstore! I stumbled across this naughtily hilarious book called Filthy Shakespeare while pretending to peruse the latest releases. I must have made an odd sight laughing at the raunchy poetic interpretations, but it is not entirely taboo if it is a literary great like ol' Will right? I proudly brought my find to the innocent little blonde girl at the counter and slapped down a cool $20 for some dirty literature (bummer--no pictures though)!:-)