Bondurant is not for Pussies!

I'm as car illiterate as I am technology inept, but there is something about this 32-valved V8 engine that I want to know more about!

If you haven't noticed, I have a driving need for speed and the vehicles that will enable me to accomplish it! The allure of the Bondurant course is calling. I just need a few thousand spare change and some moxy and I'm in Phoenix TODAY!

Would you take a look at that beauty? Nostrils steaming like a mad dragon or magnificant Shelby Stallion! Oh, how I would ride that and pray to not get bucked off!? I bet you get to wear racing gloves and a helmet on the course and maybe even keep them for $1000 souvignors?

Shut up and Drive!

"Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five

Baby you got the keys-Now shut up and drive(drive, drive, drive)

Shut up and drive(drive, drive, drive)"

Evasive Traffic Patterns

Or not so evasive?

Listen, if I take a break from blasting "Nine Inch Nails" on the radio and exceeding the speed limit to create a gap in traffic the size of Texas for you---Man up and find the hole!! If a car is an extension of your manhood, then don't make me pissed off or sorry for you by driving through life politely waiting for a sign from the almighty, inquiring for grey poupon mustard, and adjusting your stuffed animals (this really happened today--no lie. I just like to share. I have the heart the SIZE of Texas)!

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

"Breaking the law, breaking the lawBreaking the law, breaking the lawBreaking the law, breaking the lawBreaking the law, breaking the law"

I'm an outlaw. It was a beautiful, full moon evening and I was driving along a long, lazy country lane. You know the type of country road---with cottonwoods,the occasional tumbleweed, and jack rabbit or road runner. The smell of alfalfa filtered in through my nostrils and the music blared as I hit a cruising speed of 50mph. Apparently, going twice the speed limit is bad. I realized this as the photo flash went off on the Sheriff's speed radar van! I was astonished and taken aback! When was the last time I was CAUGHT speeding?

Cue "Wayne's World" theme music:

1991

I was about 18-years-old and I was driving the best car ever: my 1976 5-speed Toyota Celica GT coupe!It was my first car and what a blast to learn how to drive a 5-speed,stick shift while all the other powder puff girls were driving their mom's automatics. I loved that baby and I'm surprised I didn't name it and/or have some sad eulogy when we sold 'er for parts! I was going about 75/80mph on the freeway back when 55mph was the standard. I was about to make it to my exit--Scott-free, then I saw the lights. The Highway Patrol pulled me over. I started to cry, not because I was trying to use my feminine wiles (I was only 18) or because I was scared, but because I knew my parents would be pissed! It almost worked on the soft/cute officer, but he decided to teach me a lesson and give me a ticket. He had seen way too many accidents---yada yada yada! I was astonished and taken aback at that moment too because not unlike Michael Vick,Nicole Ritchie,insert random celebrity name here I had some immunity because of my links to the police force. Having an officer related to you is like a "get out o' jail" free card and a blessing for an adolescent with a license. There were a few times previous to the highway incident, when I was let go with a gentle chiding (I don't know if that is a word---but it works).

I broke the law two other times today too: I blew off jury duty (that's right I could potentially be federal jail bait if I were still 18) AND I parked in a space that was clearly labeled for "small or electric cars only"!

If I can't have my Mercedes SL550, or a 350Z, I would love to have a sporty little Celica GT again!

Robb Report Anecdotes

Some interesting things an addled woman's mind learned from the Robb Report:

1) The Robb Report has at least one female contributor and 6 female editors

2) Mark Twain,Samual Clemens,was an unsuccessful investor back in the day. His most notorious failed investment was a watch company. You don't learn that shit in middle school.

3) The People's Republic of China released a political billiards set in the 1950's. The red cue ball represented "China" and the other balls were the enemies of the state like disease, political dissenters,the U.S. If I were to put together a billiards set,the cue ball would represent me. I would have other balls that represented 1)Scrotum Illustrated (I mean Sports Illustrated), 2)luxury hotel chain ignorance,3)Michael Vick,4)procrastinating architects,5)service businesses that refuse to open before 10am and/or on Sundays,6)silly/fluffy women's mags,7)car salesmen who emphasize the vanity mirror,8)women over 40 who insist on wearing Victoria's Secret "Pink" attire,9)mysterious pubic hairs in public places (shudder),10)loud, "state the obvious" guys at movies,11)women like me who had to look up how many balls are in a billiard set,12)Walmart bashers,13)pretentious peop's,14)majority of insects in my living quarters, and 15)people who don't drive their sports cars like they're hot---blow my panties off baby!

4)The Icon is a jeep on 'roids that is damn sexy and environmentally sound(I presume it comes in a 5 speed--I can control the speed with my hands on the gear): http://www.trentperformance.com/icon.html and Lexus now has a luxury hybrid: http://www.lexus.com/models/GSh/http://www.lexus.com/models/GSh/http://www.lexus.com/models/GSh/. Now all I need is a sporty coupe hybrid.....?

5)China,(1950's and 1960's), commissioned artistic propaganda similar to the U.S.'s Rosie the Riveter era (1940's):

You knew you were going to see some sort of feminist propaganda eventually--She looks like she's flipping us off!

6)Costa Rica is an Audubon Society playground with an abundance of natural diversity and recreation opportunities! An excellent recreational travel company is "Backroads". Check out http://www.backroads.com/

7)Fun gi's are hard to find--no really--shiitake takes careful cultivation.