Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Barking up the Wrong Tree

Apparently, my dogs, Earl Grey and Muffin Top, run off a bit at the mouth (not unlike their owner)! Our neighbors recently lowered food and water into our yard in attempt to satiate their giant maws! You can imagine my concern about this fact when people will think nothing of poisoning a family pet nowadays! The neighbors decreed "your dogs barked from 6am until 9pm yesterday"! Really? We were home in the afternoon, so we know they were accounted for from 3pm until approximately 6pm. These are the same people that keep their huge golden retriever locked up inside their house 24/7. They keep a large breed dog in hiding like some skeleton in the closet and I'm a villian for owning vocal hounds?! I want to take a moment to inform society about the main reasons for owning the loyal canine: to protect livestock and guard homes. While the only livestock we own are the occasional grasshopper or ant/aphid colony, we do own a home that needs guarded against the occasional threats of airplane,bird,blimp, but more importantly the occasional intruder.

When the beloved Lassy wanted others to follow her to an emergency, did she take a moment to sit and ponder a quiet, gentle written request? With wet ink and a shaky paw:

"Dear Joe and fellow townsman,

It has come to my attention that a poor civilian is in need of immediate rescue. The young boy has happened upon a deep mine shaft and is losing oxygen quickly. I discussed at length, the options for retrieval and he is in concurrance with maybe providing a rope and some sort of force from a pulley system. I have travelled approximately 4.5 miles in pouring rain to write this polite request for assistance. We must move hastily, as sunset will occur in about 2 hours and the storm is increasing our urgency. Please consider my entreaty and follow me to aide the young boy.



It is highly unlikely that Lassy could write, let alone that "she" would take the time to sit and compose a letter of alarm. It much more probable that she barked her head off and ran around in frantic circles!

What about our friend "Rin Tin Tin"? Did he use creative methods to get assistance? Possibly he peed the letters S.O.S. in a clearly visible golden trail?

I prefer the loud announcement of danger from the proud vocal chords of my dear companions! I only hope that my trusty pooches will save the possessions or maybe even the lives of our neighbors someday! In the meantime, exercise,discipline, and affection as my friend Cesar Milan says!


p0nk said...

i posted this on a Fark.com thread about Michael Vick a while back.

Jimbo said...

I can sympathize with your neighbors. One of ours has a German Shepard that barks non stop a lot of the time. If his job is to protect the family and watching the house, his continual barking has the reverse effect if something does happen. I have no problem with the dogs barking when the police or fire department goes by and their sirens are blaring or for legitimate reasons, that is what they do. If my dogs are barking too much, I will tell them to be quite or lock them in the garage to keep them bothering the neighbors.

As for Lassie and Rin Tin Tin, the only barked when little Timmy was stuck in the well and needed to be saved or the barn was on fire.

Eagle Eye said...

That's funny pOnk!
Jimbo--Does the German Shephard bark at night too? I always assumed that daytime was okay. My dogs are silent after night fall. I suppose I have a penchant for owning "working breed dogs" and then not "working" them enough.So, the neighbors have guilted me into walking the dogs more and bringing them into work (hence the delayed postings lately):-)You would be proud of my CA-esque business with dogs roaming the space! Plus, I've always yearned to get more communing with dogs,nature,and exercise so they just provided the spark I guess. I'm just a free-spirit,anti-rules kinda gal and took it as an attempt to stifle my freedom, but I guess that is what the country is for and I should move the fuck out o' the burbs if I don't like the "on top of you" housing arrangement!
Keep in mind that these neighbors have no fewer than 3 teenage boys that I have had the polite restraint to not complain about on late nights! Well, the gloves are off now bitches!

Eagle Eye said...

hehe. I said "on top of you"

Jimbo said...

Yes, the dog barks at night, during the day, in the morning, when ever it wants too. It has gone on for hours and does drive me nuts if I have to listen to it. My living room is in the front of the house, normally if I am home I don't hear it. My bed room is in the back of the house and it is not a problem to here that pain in the ass dog. I know dogs bark, but it should not be for hours at a time. I was brought up to respect your neighbors. If they have 3 obnoxious teenage boys, then I would let them have it. I have no tolerance for them either.

Eagle Eye said...

That is really bad that he barks at night too! It sounds like that poor shephard needs exercise and/or work. You should hide some treats in difficult to get to spots for sensory stimuli--although you might get sued and/or bitten too! Maybe subtly suggest the "Dog Whisperer" National Geo books/videos or just tell them flat out. We wouldnt' have known how the neighbors felt,if they didn't voice their opinion.
My dogs have been a lot better now that I've determined to walk them at least an hour a day and/or bring them to work. A large yard might work for some breeds, but mine apparently need ACRES to be satiated!