Tit or Tat?

If I were to artificially enhance my so far pristine body (ear piercings are the most radical ELECTIVE alteration I've had), would I get boobs or a tramp stamp,cum catcher,semen reservoir? I think I would get both! Some of the tramp stamp design ideas that intrigue me are:

Tea anyone?

I already have insanely curly hair, but I must get some English riding boots ---oh and a horse!

HOA Communication!

Message from Lisa Simpson to my neighbors: "Stop dumping your miscellaneous shit all over the paths outside of the subdivision!" I know you inbred Brittany cousins think it is the hip thing to dump your old tires,appliances,trash,baby diapers,bodies etc. out in the great expanse of woods outside of your subdivision, but I have to see that when I go on a leisurely stroll! Unlike you, I step outside my front door once in awhile and try to enjoy nature. I don't want to have to call my dogs off your trash or even see or smell it! The paths that you are trashing are literally part of your neighborhood! If you keep the neighborhood looking like this, what does your house look like (wait don't answer that)?

Sprichst du Deutsches?

Somewhere in Germany this woman was thinking: "I knew I forgot something when I went into that store for cigs!"
She could be me-- I'm German,blondish,30ish---but the tats,the Ferrari, the tall height, the smoking habit,and the no clothes thing in public are unique to her! Can you imagine trying to get that cootch juice off the seats?Yikes!

Tattooed Mutter!

G'Day Mate!

Why I need to live or at least visit Australia:

1---The All Blacks (okay--its New Zealand, but close enough)

2---Mel Gibson

3---The Man from Snowy River (BTW---why the actress that played Jessica? Muy Feo!)

4---Australia Zoo

5---Queensland Heelers and Australian Cattle dogs

6---Marsupials and dingos who doesn't love those guys!

7---The light horsemen

8---Aboriginals--They look like they can party!

9--Surfs up!

10---Great views!

11--- Fosters! Australian for beer!

Harry Potter Order of the Phoenix Auditions

My dog, Earl Grey, tried out for the dog changeling scene in the beginning of Harry Potter. But he kept licking his balls and shouting "where's my bitches?!" He didn't get the part, but they are considering him for a rap video.

My cat, Sebastian, tried out for one of the cats emblazoned in the decorative china on the wall. However, he kept singing and dancing: "I'm too sexy for this scene, too sexy for this scene, no way I'm disco dancing!"

Hermione really whored it up in this last flick. She piled on the makeup and starting shouting crazy anti-establishment, wanton rebel rheteric! Her shirts were only layered twice and her hair was down a few times! She even got a giant to succumb to her seduction.

Emma Thompson was soo convincing as a sniveling, inept instructor that I thought she really was an educator (I can say that because I was a teacher myself)!

Want to see Harry Potter's "wand" (about 9-10 pictures down from the top)?: http://www.razzy.org/RazzyBlog/labels/Harry%20Potter.html

Mammary Glands are Archaic

I propose that the female ass replace the rack as the sexual dimorphic characteristic that men lust after. The female boobs are too functional,subject to shape shift and loss,hard to get to,and not generally as firm as the ass.
Take these young ladies from Africa for instance:

They breast feed their children and manually grind their flour. Their boobs are far from perky spheres by the time they reach adulthood (of course they have other issues that I may broach at a later date: The use of patriarchal customary laws constrained women’s access to resources,The legal framework prohibited poor women from entering informal labour markets,Prevailing traditional gender biases exist against women in the allocation of land,Women’s access to resources is limited due to biases resulting from the family arbitration system,Women have no access to legal aid and are severely constrained in seeking remedies from civil courts,Lack of women’s grassroots organisations prevents their participation in development activities). Piqued your interest? http://www.ethioembassy.org.uk/fact%20file/a-z/women-1.htm
Alas, I digress (I probably have ADD--where is my Ritalin)!
Most women after childbirth and breastfeeding and generally reaching ages above 19 will not have perky breasts. It is nearly impossible to get boobs to regain their former turgidity and bounce. If women have had breast cancer, the breast is either partially or totally removed and she needs surgery. The only women who have magnificent specimens after their 20's have spent $1,000's on surgery and may have to repeat a surgery and/or lift again every decade or so! No thanks!
Enter the ass cheek: the glutes generally retain their shape and firmness after childbirth and breastfeeding (although the hip width may change due to the pelvis physically separating). Plus, it is very easy and inexpensive to keep the ass and get it in shape!

Boobs are difficult to get to: there is the formidable bra that can be difficult to unhook or downright impossible to get a sports bra off easily! Not to mention the bothersome need for eye contact and/or conversation.
Now with modern clothing trends, the ass cleavage is easily viewed (dime slot) and can be readily caressed without many calories burned. Panties may provide some hindrance, but there aren't any hooks or complicated discard methods. Not to mention it is much closer the real object of men's desire: the Vagina (play celestial music now).

Boobs are not as firm as the ass (pre-surgery)! Can you slap a boob and hear a resounding smack? Will the boobs resist the pressure of weight? Can you grab on tight to boobs without your partner screaming in agony? No, butt you can smack an ass cheek (http://churchofjessicabielsass.blogspot.com/, http://spankcheeks.blogspot.com/), put your weight against it, and hold on tight!

The moral of this tail: Ass cleavage has resilience and staying power without the tedious functional jobs related to child rearing! Okay now, lactating Nellies get your panties in a bunch!

Down Under

G'd Day!

Have you heard of the newest surgery in the plastic surgery array of services? They are calling it "Down Under" for women who want to re-sculpt their vaginal area. I have some questions for you: Why would someone need it? Who would do it?




Fig. 1 This girl may be a good candidate, but wouldn't you do your face first:

Fig. 2 Then there is this woman who looks great on the outside, but....

Fig. 3 Maybe Fig. 2 had some unfortunate love relationships that have alas created this problem:



















Other than Fig. 2's unfortunate problem, don't all genitals look unpleasant? I can't say that I've ever admired the beauty of what lies beneath the labia folds (unless help me out guys--there really is something awe inspiring there?)


In conclusion: Of all the options available for plastic surgery, common sense would dictate to start with the face and save your money for a special toy or ride!