The Crunch of an Exoskeleton!

Look at that nasty mother fucker! It must be that time of year or before he met his demise, that damn scorpion spread the word that there is a party at my place with free tequila! Now why does a little Jimmny Cricket creep me out more than the bad ass scorpion? I don't know. Maybe because it fell from the ceiling on to my keyboard while I was typing?!(#)Q%*)($# Invertebrate buggers are everywhere right now! I feel a great sense of perverse joy when I hear the crunch of an exoskeleton under my shoe! Again, as a tree hugger I appreciate their respective niches, but get the hell out of my living/working quarters! Creepy bastards! Where is a good vertebrate predator like my friend the fence lizard when you need him--out on break getting a donut? I could have a house full of various reptiles and maybe even tolerate a mouse or two for awhile (I "live" catch and release those guys). But show me a crunchy, juicy bug and he's dead! Maybe sometime in my distant past a bug stole my lunch money? I don't know what it is....

Right now I feel like a vigilante on a rampage against hoards of evil villains like my sexy buddy Mel in Mad Max:

"I'm scared. It's that rat circus out there, I'm beginning to enjoy it. Look, any longer out on that road and I'm one of them, a terminal psychotic, except that I've got this bronze badge that says that I'm one of the good guys. "

Arthropods are not invited!

Unless they bring enough margaritas and chulupas for everyone! A scorpion is like that odd celebrity that shows up to all the parties but wasn't invited (you know who you are Gary Coleman).

I was just minding my own business this morning when I look over at the floorboard and notice a scorpion just hanging out.

He is looking at me like "where's the tequila bitch?!"

Well, I don't take too kindly to that kind of talk even though I'm not much of a lady!

He is gesturing at me with his little nasty pointy pinchers (that's right I said LITTLE) like "I'm going to cut you!"

I released a rebel yell and grabbed him with my bare hands and bit his head off like something from a Survivor episode on speed. No, not really. I tried not to squeal like a girl and run away. I bravely grabbed my shoe and stomped him to death! Little 2-3 inch bastard!

Now, I AM a tree hugger and can appreciate his niche in the world of eating insects and taking care of business. However, he wasn't invited to this party and therefore had to die.