Early morning wood killer!

What the fuck is it with businesses like Trader Joe's not opening until 9 or 10am in the morning!!? Don't they know that earthy crunchy squirrels are out trying to get their grape nut on EARLY in the morning?! I had to abort my mission and settle for a $5 sammich from the gay Albertson's! $5 for a plain turkey/cranberry sammich made by Lexy the lesbian granny! I gotta know what a $5 sammich taste like! God damn it is probably a good fucking sammich! I don't know if it is worth $5, but it is a pretty fucking good sammich!