TGIF

Occupations that may involve soiled clothing and appendages

I am pondering calling Mike Rowe for an idea about a dirty job.......

Cuz they are going to have to remove the stuff I wrote about Mike from the wall (ASAP)--it may have involved illustrations and profanity!

Evasive Traffic Patterns

Or not so evasive?

Listen, if I take a break from blasting "Nine Inch Nails" on the radio and exceeding the speed limit to create a gap in traffic the size of Texas for you---Man up and find the hole!! If a car is an extension of your manhood, then don't make me pissed off or sorry for you by driving through life politely waiting for a sign from the almighty, inquiring for grey poupon mustard, and adjusting your stuffed animals (this really happened today--no lie. I just like to share. I have the heart the SIZE of Texas)!

Savvy Business

Have you ever left an "In n Out Burger" in a bad mood? It is impossible. When you pull up to the drive through it is like you have been transported back in time to the hey day of the '50's and you expect to see June Cleaver pouring lemonade! I have been in the foulest of moods (I know it is hard to imagine) before visiting the In N Out and I immediately turn my frown upside down when the chipper boy (probably named "Chip") inquires in an intelligible manner if I would like the protein style (burger,people,burger!). The CEO of this franchise must be almost as genius as the gene testing gurus for essentially ripping off Disney's masterpiece of a business model. Here is an amazing concept: Hire fresh faced kids that speak English fluently,put them in the smart,starched collars,comb their hair,slap a cute cap on their head,and a smile on their face! Of course politeness always sends you into a blissful reverie of years gone by: "Please pull forward, How are you?,Thank you,have a nice day" (the whole "mam" part I do without, but other than that, politeness will get you far)! We could all use a little inspiration from the self-perpetuating genius that is Disney:

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” - Walt Disney

Nocturnal Amphibious Mission

Would you look at that beauty?

I almost squished her with my car a few weeks ago when I found her in my driveway. I say "her" because she was huge (about 5-6 inches long and 3-4 inches wide) and the sexual dimorphism in most amphibians and reptiles is size. She tried to scamper away, but I immediately scooped her up! She bloated and pissed all over me not unlike the way Rosie O'Donnell must respond to Trump! Being the treehugger that I am, it was my mission to calmly defy her protest and take her out to the "wild" subdivision culvert (cue "Born Free" soundtrack).

Then.....

This weekend I found my dogs, Earl Grey and Muffin Top "playing" with something in the backyard! It was a smaller version of the whopper I had found previously, so I can assume that it was a charming little male out to get his "shorty". He was thinking to Muffin Top---"Shorty what's your sign?" But she, being the bitch that she is, just kept yapping and attempting to puncture him with her canines! I separated the two just in time. I knew the perfect girl for him! I gave him to my daughter to release in the same culvert because she has to learn to handle a few toads before she can find her prince.

Bug A Boo

Posers be buggin me!

Avian Deceit!

Why does size matter?

"The Cardinals cut veteran center Nick Leckey (60) on Tuesday.
In a move not unexpected, the Cardinals released center Nick Leckey Tuesday.
The team filled the roster spot by re-signing linebacker Brandon Johnson, who had been cut when the Cards signed new center Chukky Okobi last week.
Leckey’s roster spot had grown tenuous as undrafted rookie Lyle Sendlein ascended the depth chart to back up starter Al Johnson.
Al Johnson sprained a knee in the season opener and the Cards decided to sign Okobi, a free agent who had played for offensive line coach Russ Grimm and coach Ken Whisenhunt in Pittsburgh.
Okobi’s arrival made for four centers on the roster, too large a number for the long-term.
Leckey had been battling a knee sprain suffered in the preseason, but he was healthy Sunday against Seattle and was still declared inactive. Okobi, who was dressed but did not play against Seattle, was Sendlein’s backup in the game.
Leckey started 11 games in 2006 and nine in 2005 after being drafted in the sixth round out of Kansas State in 2004. He outplayed the fourth-round selection that season, one-time starter Alex Stepanovich.
But the Cardinals, seeking someone with more size than the 6-foot-3, 290-pound Leckey, picked up Al Johnson as a free agent with a four-year, $17.5 million contract. Then Sendlein impressed the coaches throughout the offseason and training camp.
Leckey’s salary was also $1.3 million, a hefty amount for a reserve who was going to be a long shot to be active on Sundays.
Al Johnson is expected to miss at least one more game (http://www.azcardinals.com/news/detail.php?PRKey=1922)."

Remember when sports used to be based on athletic prowess and skill? Now you have to be a fucking sumo wrestler/steam roller to play "football". Does anyone wonder why these super-sized athletes keep injuring themselves and pulling their muscles? Maybe we need to get back to basics and focus on increasing the maneuverability,safety,and SPORT of football instead of watching a bunch of way-too-tight ends bouncing off each other like Godzillas in a pinball machine! We will miss you cutie Nicky!